death before (vigil), 2023
the title is in reference to ‘death before de-transition’, a common phrase amongst transgender activist circles. in the words of @its_ryles on twitter following the 2024 election and onslaught of legislation limiting care for trans youth and adults, “hey, ‘death before detransition’ does not mean kill yourself. it means ‘come and take it’”.
my feed in inundated with trans death. trans murder, trans suicide. detransition due to lack of support, safety, access. trans people killing themselves to pass. trans people being killed for not passing. trans starvation. trans denial. trans contempt. trans hatred.
this is a vigil for my family. for the dead and the alive. for the versions of ourselves we have to bury. for the versions we may have to dig up. for the dirt that we’ve turned over so many times it has forgotten that it’s dirt. i hope this next life is kinder. i hope we can continue to find the kindness within ourselves. i hope that when our candles do burn out, another sibling will find us, and light our way home.